My Stint as an Aspiring Actor in Los Angeles
I moved out to Los Angeles to become an actor and the first thing I learned is that everyone hates you.
I lost it at Gorgonzola.
My favorite part is the guy who just keeps going “… no … no - ” in between his lines like he just knows he’s fucking up but can’t stop it.
YOU STEPPED INTO THE WRONG PART OF THE GALAXY, CAPTAIN PHASERBRAIN.
THERE’S NO DAY IN SPACE
YOUR CAPTAINITY IS OVER
"Our Beysus, who art with Hova, hallowed be thy name. Thy album come, those other flop pop stars be done, on the charts as they are with critics. Give us this day our daily bop, and forgive us for trolling your photos, as we forgive those who troll against us, and lead us not into twerking, but deliver us from Miley. Amen."
IN BEYSUS’ NAME, AMEN
My Dog Understands Humans Better than Dogs
I found my dog in a shelter in San Antonio, Texas. Being the only no-kill shelter in the area, he’d been living there for about a year. He was found by Animal Control abandoned and alone on the street at one year old, then taken to a shelter to live in a small kennel with about an hour of freedom per day until he was two years old. It should come as no surprise to anyone that he didn’t develop proper social skills.
When you complain about “the friend zone,” this is what I hear:
Gosh darn it, why won’t this person whom I know nothing about but find physically attractive become sexually attracted to my personality instead of my looks?
The only reason I befriended this person is because I think they’re sexy and wanted to sleep with them and the fact that they don’t want to sleep with me makes them a shallow.
Gee wizz, why won’t this person have sex with me even though they are not sexually attracted to me?
Please do yourself a favor and get over yourself.
My dog is currently waiting for me back home in Texas while I gather my bearings here in LA. I can’t wait to bring him into his new home. I miss him so much!
"Why are we all so lost?"
It’s a question which stung when one of my closest friends posed it the last time we spoke to each other, speaking of course about our entire generation. She didn’t ask me the question, but begged me to answer it, knowing hopelessly that I would never be able to.
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it; a jealous, possessive love that grabs at what it can."
Yann Martel, Life of Pi